| i've been thinking about a LOT of shit lately.
one--- i hate the saying "the best nights are the ones you can't remember with the people you'll never forget" i think it's bullshit. i'm sorry, but how can it be so great if you don't know even what happened. that's gay. i'm tired of that crap. it pisses me off. i mean, i think the GREATEST time of this summer was when ashley and alex were at my house that one night and we all sat under THE streetlight for hours just sitting and talking and we talked forever about nothing and it was the greatest time that i have had all summer and i miss that. sure, you people may say, "cher, shut up, i see you drunk all the time, how you can you ever say that's not fun" and to them, i just say, yeah, i've been drunk since 7th grade and it's lame. what's the point guys, really? go have a few hours of fun, probably puke, then feel like crap in the morning. sounds like a GREAT time! and i'm not condoning people who drink(condoning sounds sooo smart!!) i just don't agree with drinking. i'll still be friends with you, just don't expect me to hang out with you when you do that stuff. i find it pointless and misdemeaning of my character. think about it. 25 years down the road, your teenage daughter coming to you 16 and pregnant. now, if you have been out having sex and drinking everynight at this age, how in the world can you reprimand her for doing the same thing? the thing is, you can't and you will be stuck raising another child when you're, like, OLD! so pretty much, the verdict of this thought is, the best nights are those spent with the people you love the most, no matter how you spend it, it's great.
two---there i was doing my anatomy homework when it says something about the EARLY years of your lives. and crap, i'm in the early years of my life, why am i acting like such a doofus? i have, like, 60 years left of my life and i'm going to look back at how i'm such an idiot. wow. why was i like that? hmm. i mean, i have the rest of my life to do the stuff i've been doing these past few years and it's stupid to waste away your high school and college years doing things that aren't really that special anyways. everyone just wants to grow up way to fast and it'll get you hurt or in trouble so it's just stupid to risk anything happening if you value yourself at all. the people who drink seem so insecure because they have to have the alcohol to make them okay. that's what alcoholics are, they need the alcohol so that they forget and so that they are happy. and that's stupid. just don't ever start it and it won't be a problem.drinking is just so stupid. really, if someone can give me a good reason for drinking i'll go out and get shitfaced, but reallly, i know that truly, there is no good reason for drinking.it's stupid and pointless. it makes you feel like crap and the things you do when you are drunk.. just, oh the things. the things you would never even dream of doing sober, i guess that's why they seem so appetizing when you're conked out, but man, it's wrong. you'll end up in a lot of trouble and you'll end up messed up. it's just so stupid. i'm tired of all of it.
three--- the things you want the most are really just things you you don't think you can have. but ya know, when you get those things, you don't want them so much anymore.like clothes. really, you HAVE to have a shirt., but then you have it and you wear it a ew times, but then you don't want it anymore cuz noone likes it anymore. well, i'm totally like this. i want so many things that i don't think i can have, but i ALWAYS get them and then i don't want them anymore. it's terrible. i do this with everything, even people. i always wanted to have all these friends froma ll around and then i got them and now i just want some time alone, i'm so sick of always being around people and i mean, i love everyone, it's just, i need some me time which i ran out of when i got the people i wanted and now i don't want them so much anymore. then there's the WILLIE factor.let's see... willie, the forbidden fruit. the SUPER older man. well, e's not really any of these things except super old and that's gross which i realize now. man, i don't need to be with guys that old and after what he did, it's stupid to ever think of it again. for some reason he still calls me and wants me to go out, but like i said, once i have him, i don't want him, like charles and david and a few more. man, what is my problem? really. i'm a terrible person. and i hate that. why am i such a terrible person? it makes me feel like shit. maybe cuz i am shit, but i don't know. it's depressing.
four--- EVERYONE'S PROBLEMS AND MINE... well, these things seem to clash. i listen to everyone's problems and. yeah, i love that, but at the same time it sucks. i have noone who will listen to me, i am everyone's crying shoulder and noone cares about me. i'm feeling like a two about now, ya know ashy? well. it's like i have my ashley who loves me dearly because when leigh makes fun of my hair, she comes to my house and sits with me as i cry. i love my ashley and i wouldn't live without her. but ya see, the GREAT thing about my ashawey is that she talks to me too.it's an even trade. we both care about each toher and it's not just me listening. i mean, sometimes, i don't feel like saring with someone what's going on, but hey, if you're on the phone with me and i'm crying and you're complaining about how you broke a nail, i'd have to say, shut up cuz i need to hang up, but I WON'T cuz i'm too nice. yeah i need more friends like ashley. i have my merritt too. she's my newest confidant. i can tell her things and i know she might not always know what to tell me, but i know she's listening and i know that she cares, so she rocks. yeah, well, i have ms. rogers and i talk to her wayyy too much. i'm so messed up. i'm such a total loser cuz i need so much counseling, but i don't care, that's what makes me special and i love myself. but ya know, when i start having these sick spells and dizzy things and passing out all the time, that means it's time for cher, no time for friends, time for cher. my body does this to me all the time. i'm not sick, i'm not contagious. i just get overloaded and i get sick and i pass out and everyone thinks i'm dying, but i'm just on overdrive in my brain and i need a break and noone will give it to me. so i collapse and i hate it. and right now, i'm really sick and noone understands, i'm just sick and i feel like crap and everyone tells me to sleep and welll, that is what i need, but i can't sleep cuz i'm so worried about other peopole. why do i care so much about other people? it sucks. i wish i was a heartless bitch, i mean, life would be soooo much easier!!i wish that i could actually sleep at night. i stay up for, like, 380 minutes every night thinking of every single one of my friends and every single person that i know and praying about all of them, even if i don't know what's going on with them, i pray that everything good will happen to them and that everything will be okay because i care so much about other people. i mean, i spend, like, 4 minutes on each person that i've talked to about my problems cuz i care so much for them and i hope that they are given wisdom to help me through and that i can help them too since they've been there for me. i think this is a problem. noone is really like that. why do i care? i don't want to, i mean, i even prayed for willie.. cmon, the man cheated on me and i still pray for him. i pray for liz who hates me, but maybe that's just cuz i actually care about her and i want God to tell her the truth about what happened so that aybe some day she'll know i'm innocent. gosh, it hurts when that happens, why does it still stress me out? i dwell ont hings too much. this entry is wayyy too long, but i don't care, noone will actually read it, so i guess it's better that way, noone can get pissed. well, i think that should be all cuz i'm running out of things to say, but i'll think of more i'm sure and post later. i love you. bye. |
